Humor

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge Device

Forget all of this hi-falutin' tech-no-logy - let's get back to basics -

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named - BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology; no wires, no electronic circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It's so easy to use, even a child can operate it. Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere - even sitting in an armchair by the fire or under an umbrella at the beach - yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-R disc.

Here's how it works:
BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder (or spine) which maintains the sheets in their correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of each page, thus doubling information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for future increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages. However, experiments with different types of Formulaic Optical Nuanced Technology Systems (FONTS) have led to promising results.

Each BOOK sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into the users brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. Moving about within the BOOK data file is just as easy. The "browse" feature allows users to move instantly to any sheet, both forward and backward. Many come with an "index" feature, which pinpoints the exact location of any selected material for instant retrieval. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it. BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, though, like other devices, it can become damaged if coffee or other liquids are spilled on it and it may become unusable if dropped too often onto hard surfaces.

A Manually Accessed Retrieval Knickknack (MARK) allows users to open BOOK to the exact place they left off in a previous session - even if BOOK has been closed. These peripheral devices fit universal design standards; thus a single BOOKMARK can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOKMARKs can be used in a single book, provided the user desires to save numerous views within the device. Users can also make personal notes next to and within BOOK text entries with optional programming tools such as Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Styli (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment and educational wave. BOOK's appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking to invest. Look for a flood of new titles soon.